maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
