East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
my shit smells like andre
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
