If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The uberlube is also flammable
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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