So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
