i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Randomize
