I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
