just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
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It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
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But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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