I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
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