Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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