I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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