I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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