Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
