I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
