How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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