if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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