You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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