In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
