my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
this hospital has no fireball
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
