i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
