What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
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He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
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We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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