girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
