Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
