I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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