My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
