You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
