I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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