So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
what the fuck happened to the tacos
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
