ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
