You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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