i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
