I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
