that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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