I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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