Just took my morning after pill in the library
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
