You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
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After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
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Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize