So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
