Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
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I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
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How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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