I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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