please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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