Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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