my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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