I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
this just has baby written all over it
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.