I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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