I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
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I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
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And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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