are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
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I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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