and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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