didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
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