all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
