There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i just had sex bonerless
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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