I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
