So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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