Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
