Kiss
Puke
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Randomize
