I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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