My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
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