So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
