weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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