Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
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College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
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You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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