well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
