Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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