I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
