Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
