A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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