You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
a search helicopter?!
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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