I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Your penis caused this!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
