You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
