I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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