just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
