No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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