Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
