I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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