please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
