he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
