We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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