i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We are all done wearing pants today
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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