remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You can't just leave with hair like that
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Come back. Shots need mouths.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
