All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
