So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
