Got a toothbrush?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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