that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
