; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize