in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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