My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
