Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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