i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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