1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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