worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
