Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
