Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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