I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I need to calm my uterus...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
