how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
