Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
