She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
