The maid of honor just puked.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
