Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
